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WAYS TO SETTLE THE DEMOCRATIC NOMINATION


  1. Winner-takes-all Uno match.

  2. Bake-off.

  3. Best show goat at the Clackamas County Fair.

  4. Hot-dog eating contest.

  5. Tag-team ladders, tables and chairs match with each candidate paired with one of the Brothers of Destruction (ed. note: potentially profitable after pay-per-view receipts).

  6. Trivial Pursuit – All Star Sports Edition.

  7. Skeet shooting competition in John McCain's back yard.

  8. Marathon Monopoly game, original rules with no exceptions (ed. note: no claiming Free Parking money).

  9. Beer pong.

  10. "Through the Fire and Flames" on Expert in Guitar Hero III. If neither contestant makes it to 2 minutes, nomination is awarded to current highest scorer on YouTube who can prove they're not a dirty cheater.

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